Buddha Time

Oh forgawds. I have to take this brain thing to the next level and there seems to be no reason not to try meditation as there are free classes in my home town at 'Buddha Land'.  There is one on Thursday morning so I'm going.

Here is my brain's list of reasons for not going:

• Don't like hippies and mystical shit
• Don't like sitting doing nothing
• Can't think of nothing
• My friend did a meditation retreat and saw insects crawling everywhere in some hideous real-life nightmare type scenario

But what's the worst that could happen?

Snot Forgetfulness

Monday 27th September

My brain is starting to be naughty again.  Is it punnishment for being a bit naughty this weekend?

My Naughty Three

1. Friday: one wine and a shot of vodka in a pint of soda (I was trying to drink slowly whilst everyone else drank 50 drinks) plus (oops) another glass of wine.  NAUGHTY
2. Saturday: half a lady-beer at lunch and a glass of wine at our friends' house...but the glass of wine was an enormous gothic goblet and it got a refill. NAUGHTY x 2
3. Sunday: no exercise at all...only left the house once to put something in the garage. DIABOLICAL.

My brain's naughty response

1. Never remember to bring a tissue on morning runs which I'm sorry to say are fantastically snotty affairs - requiring me to wipe my snot on my hands...touche brain
2. Washing the snot off my hands this morning, then realised I'd already done that about 10 seconds before...now we are talking senility territory

The alpaccas' response

1. The alpaccas (which I've been mistakenly calling llamas) were nowhere to be seen on this week's walks...until today when they saw me coming, had a look, and then walked over the hill in disgust.  This picture shows how angry they are.

MUST DO BETTER!

It's almost two weeks since I started my life changes for a better brain:

1. No more coffee or tea
2. No more than 2 alcoholic units per day
3. Exercise for at least 30 mins every day

I've been following it all perfectly and have been feeling really snappy as a result. I slipped up a little this weekend though and really felt the difference. I had just one extra glass of wine last night and didn't do my walk this morning and felt rubbish all day: sleepy, sickly, back ache, restless legs. I felt like balls.

Nevertheless my brain passed on the chance to be naughty and I won Trivial Pursuits for the first time in my life!  Ever. That requires memory!

I'm looking for a martial art to try next.  Any recommendations? Shall I just try them all and see which group of 7 year olds I fit into best?

Wooly Rewards

It's week two of my brain quest and the world is already sending me rewards - curiously apt rewards considering I used a picture of a handsome llama to cheer myself up three blogs ago...

Monday
Hiked up the hill to school to get my brain-buffing exercise -and it's a mighty steep, mile-long hill - only to find one of my favourite things at the top like a gift from the gods: yes, llamas!

AND there were donkeys in that field-of-dreams too.  Life can just be so fantastic sometimes.  The llamas have always been in the field next to school I guess, but you can't see them if you're sitting in a car - only if you're walking.

Tuesday

Got up at 7am to do my walk through our little village.  There's a steep hill/field at the end of it which llamas have access to but they never ever come to our side of the hill...until today!

Just look at them all!  They are shorn but have kept their fringes, which makes them even better.  I am so encouraged to keep doing an early walk...hopefully my wooly rewards will keep visting.  I must sound fairly crazy here...does it help to point out that these are the only two sets of llamas I've ever found in my day-to-day life (they're not just munching around in every field)?

Wednesday
I now know all 30 names in my school class, ya-hoo!

Even though I'm supposed to just do one or two things for a few weeks before adding anything else, it all seems so easy so far and so beneficial: I feel happier and perkier through exercise, and haven't had gerbil/coffee brain or a hangover since I started.

I think it's time to start adding some of the crazier stuff.

Let's Get Mental

Hello friends,

I’ve been doing my new brain regime for three days, during the hardest name-learning week of my life, with mixed results…

Wednesday – My first day as teaching assistant in a primary school.  Fannied around in the morning so didn’t get my exercise done before work.  Naughty.
Naughty brain: Failed to learn the names of 5 children…there will be 20 tomorrow.  In my defence I was only with them for 2 hours and a lot of them fall into the category of cute, white, nondescript blonde small child AND they are only 4-years old so they keep moving all the damn time.  Is it wrong to write their names on their foreheads?

Thursday - My induction at a nursery, where I was introduced to approx 20 staff and given an absolute crapload of information.  I then worked at the school and went to a networking party.  I walked a mile before and after school.

Naughty brain:

1. Brain instantly sieved out a whopping 16 names and faces of nursery staff
2. I still only know 10/20 children’s names in my school class and there will be 10 additional children tomorrow – HELP!

Friday – Volunteering at a creche, where I met 4 new children and 2 new staff, then I worked at school with all 60 children, then out for tea with my new friend Little T.  I walked to the creche and to school. Very good girl.

Naughty brain:

1. Felt like the dork kid at the creche for having decaf coffee when all the cool adults were having proper coffee
2. Late to school and missed lunch because all the walking took so flipping long
3. Still 15 children’s names to learn, then I need to move onto next door’s class of 30 and all 30 staff, for the love of god!

All in all, I am feeling positive about this week actually.  My brain already feels a little snappier and better able to retrieve information, and I feel a bit rosier in general. Got to work extra hard though – next week I will be expected to know everyone’s name and there will be no more name tags.  Eek.

Go go gadget brain!

What's Wrong with my Brain

Day 3

8pm – Finished the last test in the book – a list of 23 things that are bad for your noodle, and if you do more than 5 of them it’s not good.  I counted 6:

1. Not taking enough exercise
2. Sitting for hours without walking or stretching
3. Having more than 2 alcoholic drinks per day (if you average in the weekends then sure)
4. Drinking too much coffee (I hardly have any but gerbil-brain ensues when I do, as we know)
5. Needing an alarm clock to wake up
6. Spending many hours near a computer

So I just need to stop doing all of the above, as well as the hormones and blood sugar stuff and all that.

9pm – Started part 2: ‘Your Individual Brain-Boosting Program’.  I can feel my neurons sparkling already.  Our friend Elisa Lottor, Ph.D., N.D. rousingly says:
“I hope to encourage your body to optimally produce and use neurotransmitters, protect the structure of neurons, and increase neuron growth.”
I say “saddle up Doctor L”.
10pm – I have formulated my plan.  Dr. L advises I only make 1 or 2 changes at a time and hold them for at least two weeks.  According to the book, exercise has an arseload of brain benefits including preventing blood sugar, hormone problems and depression so I choose:

1. 1.  Exercise every single day for at least 1/2 hour…but here’s the killer: before work.  Good job my job starts at 1pm
2. 2.  Coffee stay gone (and tea)
3. 3.  Coffee was a lazy one since I already gave that up at the start of this blog, so I’ll also have no more than 2 alcoholic drinks per day, even if it’s a party.

I have to record my ‘mental symptoms’ every evening.

Then once everything is getting awesomer, I need to crank up the intensity.  THEN I reckon it’ll be time to start getting into meditation, karate and all that crap.

Let’s get mental!

A Million Questionnaires

Day 2
6.00pm – Time to take the book’s many questionnaires, to identify my needs and get cracking on this thing.

1. Short-Term Memory Loss Self-Test – Questions include “Do you misplace your keys, pen, etc.?’ and ‘Do you forget appointments?’…I’m sure I’ve done these things at some point in the past, but I can’t remember a recent incident…ahhh, see the problem here?  All fine here according to test.
2. Long-Term Memory Loss Sef-Test – “Do you momentarily forget how to turn on your computer?”  Thankfully no. ”Do you forget things that happened long ago in childhood?” Absolutely, my Dad keeps asking if I’ve had my memory wiped. “Do you forget things that people have told you in years past…?”  Yup.  Result: I have mild long-term memory loss.  But does everyone remember everything?
3. Learning and Concentration Problems – resist urge to check my email… Oh crap, I answered yes to 6/8 of these, which means I have ’significant learning and concentration problems’.  My brain is in a very sorry state.  Vow to do this test again in 2 months and see if I improve.

But first…why is my brain so naughty?

Chronic Medical Conditions

1. Poor Circulation - despite my addiction to using a hair drier to warm my feet before bed every night, no problem here.
2. Allergies and Sensitivities – mmm just as I suspected, that wicked coffee must go.
3. Low Blood Sugar - big old problem area here – very grumpy and unfocussed when I’m hungry.
4. Depression – just mild.
5. Stress Self-Test – fine.
6. Poor Nutrition - all good here.
7. Hormone Imbalance - issues here too, stupid contraceptive pill.

Euughhhhhhhhh.  Need cheering up.

Ahhh, that’s better.
I’m going to have a glass of wine before I do the ‘Lifestyle Factors’ section of tests and have to give it up forever.